Good Good Father

When I got the girls, I remember having a cd in my car with 12 worship songs on it that would play repeatedly. Of all the songs, the one the girls loved the most was “Good Good Father”.

They knew most of the words, and they’d sing their little hearts out with or without the song playing. I felt this song was so fitting for our family considering I was a single mom. I remember hearing Ava tell me in the car one day with her cute little voice that it’s okay that she didn’t have a dad at my house because God is her daddy.

This song became part of our nightly routine, and I’d sing every verse with them as I put them to bed. It became a beacon of hope for me as I floundered in my new journey of motherhood.

Nine months later, when Ava and Sadie’s case was in a transition as we switched the primary goal of their case to reunification to be reunification or adoption. This is a huge step in a case. Reunification is not removed from the permanency goal until TPR (Termination of Parental Rights) is granted.

I was experiencing a flood of emotions as I processed all of the possibilities, and I remember one morning so clearly.

As I got us ready for the day, fear and panic started to rise up in me as I thought about the future. In foster care, you can’t guarantee anything. So even though their case was moving toward adoption, my mind couldn’t stop thinking about the what if’s. After I dropped off the girls at daycare, I sat in my car. Fear began to drench my mind like the rain storm outside.

What if they went home? What if the system failed them? What if someone ignored the signs that their home wasn’t safe? What if paperwork got lost? What if the truth was hidden? What if lies were believed? What if they were taken from me and placed into a different foster home? What if biological family came into the picture and took them?

I was having a panic attack.

But God.

In that moment of my hysteria, God showed up. His still small voice came in the form Chris Tomlin singing, “Good Good Father” on the radio. Peace rushed over my soul like the sun breaking through the clouds, and I wept in my car as I realized that God loves my girls more than I could ever love them. He knew our future. He was writing a story of redemption for my daughters, and He didn’t need me to fight over the pen.

Within a month of this story, their case experienced a major setback as a court document was lost, which set their adoption back 9 months. 

God was in that though. I now see why He allowed that to happen, and though it was a painful process, it was a necessary one as He allowed circumstances to bring closure for my girls.

This foster care world is hard and full of unknowns, but God is the Father to the fatherless. He loves them more than we can, and He is for them.

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