Glamorous Life

Honestly, I don’t tell this story to make y’all jealous. Really I don’t. I just want to share a story with y’all about my life, and I apologize if this makes you feel any envy at all.

So one evening after dinner (5 course meal with plenty of healthy vegetables that the kids clearly devoured without complaint), I prepare a bath for the three little girls. We ate dinner rather early, so I figure we can have an extra long bath time. As I fill up the tub with warm water, I dump every single bath toy we own into the tub.

I playfully place the younger two toddlers into the tub as Nora refuses to get in the tub till the water stops running. As the tub finishes filling up, I get Nora into the tub as well, but something catches my eye as I lift her over the edge of the tub.

At first glance, I figure it is one of the 178 toys floating around the tub, but my quick second glance confirmed my fears.


There is a turd bobbing in my tub, which contains three children and approximately 178 bath toys.

Now I feel the need to pause the story to remind you of my situation. I’m a single mom. My oldest is 8 years old, and while she is incredible helpful, she is rather dramatic when it comes to poop.

I quickly run to grab paper towels to help me scoop the poop while also trying to pull children out of the tub simultaneously. As I am pulling children out, I spot another turd, but it’s definitely a different color, texture, and shape than the other one.

Any moms out of there of multiple children, you all know that each child has their own unique… type.

I realize that not only has Mia pooped in the tub, but Lucy has added her own gift as well.

I choke back a gag as I carefully sift through toys and turds trying to pluck out the toys, careful not to grab the multiple “gifts” floating around the tub at this point.

Now, again I must point out that I am only one person. So while I’m attempting to clean out the tub, I have 3 wet, naked, angry toddlers running around the house.

Here’s the catch. Mia and Lucy aren’t done. Mia proceeds to poop on my bath rug, while Lucy is taking her business elsewhere.

And by elsewhere I mean in the living room and down the hallway. This girl would walk a few feet, and then leave a “gift,” walk a few more feet, and give another “gift.”

As the poop fest continues, I have my oldest, who is freaking out about the poop in the hallway. My second oldest is hiding in her closet screaming because it smells gross, and my middle child, who had been in the bath tub when this all started, is in the small bathroom 1 foot from me cleaning the tub screaming her head off because she hates being naked.

So while I’m trying to clean the tub, keep Mia from touching her poop or playing in the toilet, calm multiple children down, and clean up the poop left in various spots in the house, Lucy then steps in her own poop and slips and lands in it.

So I do what anyone would naturally do in that moment, and I laugh. I laugh so hard that tears are pouring down my face as I continue to frantically clean and chase children.

And this was the night that I realized how especially #blessed I am to be their mom. Because if I can laugh at the $#!+ show of that night, surely I can survive the next 17+ years.

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