You know, as I look back on my life, and more specifically the past 4 years, I see the good, the bad, and the ugly parts of my story. I’ve walked through days of victory and blessings, but I’ve also walked through very dark days filled with fear and frustration.
But one thing I see in every detail is God. He remained faithful in each of those days.
God always showed up.
He showed up in a friend calling me out on my crap or encouraging me in my journey. I’ve had complete strangers who have pray over me and friends who have felt led to bring us dinner or to babysit for free or to send us tiaras to be princesses. These may seem like random acts of kindness, but I know these aren’t random.
This is God, and He has always been faithful.
I’ll be completely honest; I have struggled in my walk with God in the past 4 years as life drastically changed many times for me. I’ve had seasons of spiritual growth, seasons of deep spiritual revelations, seasons of spiritual drought, and many seasons in between.
But God.
God remained faithful as I floundered finding my footing and as I haughtily thought I could tackle life on my own.
He always met me where I was. He always filled my life with His sufficient grace. He always met me with love.
That love and grace has looked different every time, but that’s the beauty of it. God’s love and grace is specific to me. He’s doesn’t just generally love; He loves me for who I am and where I am. I’ve had days where I’ve asked God why He’s called me to this because it felt too hard and too much for me, but He would never leave me in that place. I learned so much about His character in those days.
Last year during a really difficult season, I read through the Psalms. The Psalms is full of David lamenting and praising God. My soul rested in the truth of God’s steadfast love and the hope that can only come from Him.
“But I will sing of your strength; I will sing aloud of your steadfast love in the morning. For you have been to me a fortress and a refuge in the day of my distress. O my Strength, I will sing praises to you, for you O God, are my fortress, the God who shows me steadfast love.” Psalm 59:16-17.
I won’t pretend that I was faithful in every season. I struggled so much in understanding why God allowed my girls to go through such deep hurt and trauma. I’ve struggled through dealing with anxiety and anger over hurtful situations. I have had days and even weeks of consciously deciding to not show up in my relationship with God. I’ve leaned on my own strength so many times.
Those times taught me so much about how much I truly need God. So while I didn’t enjoy those difficult days, I’m thankful for what they taught me about God and His character because God makes beauty from brokenness.
“I have learned to kiss the waves that throw me up against the Rock of Ages”
― Charles H. Spurgeon
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